Tag Archives: thin

To Lose Or Gain: The Real Choice Of Weight Loss.

I am a person who hates making choices in my life. Sometimes I solicit opinions first like I’m living by committee. The hardest part for me is when I’m on my own in the car and deciding whether to eat fast food and milk shakes or to take the turn back home and actually make a healthy choice.

I could always make the excuse of the saying, “my diet starts tomorrow” or a thousand other excuses. Despite the plethora of unhealthy food choices, I have a harder time identifying what I feel like are a limited number of reasons to make better choices.

I could blame it on the environment, others, or just not feeling well. I could even try the excuse of wishing I had someone by my side day in and day out demanding my making the right choices. In reality, it doesn’t always work for celebrities that have the millions of dollars to afford that and even if I did I would end up resenting the person feeling like a prisoner.

So that leaves it to me.  I have to make my own choices and consider all the great results of having good health.  I want to be able to walk with out getting out of breath, I want to be able to fit into the normal clothes I have, which I currently packed away in my attic like I’m already dead and gone.

Sometimes I actually do feel like the Barry I used to be is gone and I just dwell in self-hate and very little self-esteem.

However the other day while interviewing the health expert, Robert Reames, who lost a whole bunch of weight and is trying to help others reminded me that I am actually getting the chance to not only help myself, but tons of others who are with me every day going through the same struggles as me.

It really does show the fact that my film ‘Finding Thin’ really will make a difference. For the first time in a long time, I felt proud and inspired.

So when driving today, instead of finding all the excuses to get that Shamrock shake, I concentrated on all of the reasons not to.

I really think I am breaking through to taking responsibility for making the choices that only I can make and living with the outcome.

Good times are ahead. I can feel it.

Victim of the Thin World

When I was a kid, I was always told that if I lost weight I’d be happier. My own father told me I was fat and ugly and would never find anyone to be with or even land a role as an actor. I was told many times to forget about a career in the show business.

In short, most of my younger years were not very fun. My dreams were crushed many times. I got reminded of this last time I passed by a playground I used to hang out at. I put myself into the entertainment business when I was 10.

Sometimes I have a few childhood memories coming to haunt me. Rejection, struggles, doubts… The latest in date: I have been signed up on online dating for a week or two now, and nobody answered me. Was my father right? Am I fat and ugly still?

I am thinking that not much changed in these years. Yes I have become more confident in my career and I have reached forward, but I am still struggling with obesity and looking for happiness. I get busy at work but at the end of the day I am alone.

I have met many people who have lost weight and enjoy being thin, but they are not the happiest people out there. Some of them are still hurt while thinking about what they went through when they were bigger. Others still perceive themselves in the mirror as heavy.

The pounds went away but happiness didn’t come knocking on their doors. There are still many people like me struggling with their weight. What if they were struggling and trying to change just because of the way the ‘thin world’ was judging them?

I really believe people should find what makes them happy and go from there. I feel happier and healthier when I am less heavy, so I am going for it. “Don’t worry, be happy” is my new motto.

Happier when Thin or Thinner when Happy?

I want to be thin. I would LOVE to be thin by tomorrow but that is just a dream. Fixing twenty-thirty years of bad eating habits is not the easiest thing to do. Going through a dozen of diets through my life always made me feel miserable.

Right now, I am trying to stay within a certain amount of calories and exercise while still enjoying myself. The thing is I am an emotional eater. When things go wrong, I turn to food as comfort. When things go right, I celebrate with food.

Sometimes I feel like I took the wrong path and I can’t back up to turn around, almost as if being fat has paralyzed my life. I recently had my birthday. It feels like I have just woken up from a twenty-year coma. All my friends and family aged but I stayed the same, time flew by.

Ever since my car accident five years ago, I have been spending my time in and out of hospitals and experiencing horrible back and neck pains. I lived on pain meds for years thus turning my life into a thick fog. I realized that I am not happy:

I live at home taking care of my morbidly obese mother and it is not fun at all. I now know I could leave and she would be ok but I got used to the area and I would be sad to leave people I care about. I would really love to move to Colorado though, it’s the one place that would make me happy.

Do I need to be happy first and then lose weight? Or do I need to lose weight to be happy? I don’t even know anymore, I feel lost in my own shadow…


Am I Too Fat To Be Loved?

Today, I finally decided to join the online dating world. I say “finally” because I have been thinking about it for a while but never had the courage to sign up for it. I always thought people wouldn’t want to date me because I am fat.

Actually, even when I lost a lot of weight, I still didn’t date. I always had tons of excuses/reasons not to: Fear not to be liked, cost, work schedule, low self esteem etc… A few hours ago, I found the strength to get out there and start meeting people online.

I hope I can find someone who loves me for who I am without judging me by the cover. The world has so much to offer and I would like to share it with somebody. I am still worried about being rejected. Sometimes, I can hear my parents’ voices from my childhood telling me “Nobody will want to date you if you’re fat”, it doesn’t help my insecurity.

Funny how I chose the film industry as a career: one of the toughest and most judgmental fields out there. I guess it’s because I am more comfortable and self-confident acting than being myself. When I act and produce, I have a wall to protect myself and I feel more alive.

However, since I am judging myself by the cover, how can I expect other people not to? I wonder how many ‘thin’ people out there would want to date somebody like me…