When I was a kid, I was always told that if I lost weight I’d be happier. My own father told me I was fat and ugly and would never find anyone to be with or even land a role as an actor. I was told many times to forget about a career in the show business.
In short, most of my younger years were not very fun. My dreams were crushed many times. I got reminded of this last time I passed by a playground I used to hang out at. I put myself into the entertainment business when I was 10.
Sometimes I have a few childhood memories coming to haunt me. Rejection, struggles, doubts… The latest in date: I have been signed up on online dating for a week or two now, and nobody answered me. Was my father right? Am I fat and ugly still?
I am thinking that not much changed in these years. Yes I have become more confident in my career and I have reached forward, but I am still struggling with obesity and looking for happiness. I get busy at work but at the end of the day I am alone.
I have met many people who have lost weight and enjoy being thin, but they are not the happiest people out there. Some of them are still hurt while thinking about what they went through when they were bigger. Others still perceive themselves in the mirror as heavy.
The pounds went away but happiness didn’t come knocking on their doors. There are still many people like me struggling with their weight. What if they were struggling and trying to change just because of the way the ‘thin world’ was judging them?
I really believe people should find what makes them happy and go from there. I feel happier and healthier when I am less heavy, so I am going for it. “Don’t worry, be happy” is my new motto.
Posted in Director Notes, Film, Food, Hot Topic, Uncategorized
Tagged Barry Roskin Blake, Diet, don't worry be happy, fat, finding thin, heavy, obesity, online dating, rejection, show business, thin, Victims of the Thin World, weight loss
Today, I finally decided to join the online dating world. I say “finally” because I have been thinking about it for a while but never had the courage to sign up for it. I always thought people wouldn’t want to date me because I am fat.
Actually, even when I lost a lot of weight, I still didn’t date. I always had tons of excuses/reasons not to: Fear not to be liked, cost, work schedule, low self esteem etc… A few hours ago, I found the strength to get out there and start meeting people online.
I hope I can find someone who loves me for who I am without judging me by the cover. The world has so much to offer and I would like to share it with somebody. I am still worried about being rejected. Sometimes, I can hear my parents’ voices from my childhood telling me “Nobody will want to date you if you’re fat”, it doesn’t help my insecurity.
Funny how I chose the film industry as a career: one of the toughest and most judgmental fields out there. I guess it’s because I am more comfortable and self-confident acting than being myself. When I act and produce, I have a wall to protect myself and I feel more alive.
However, since I am judging myself by the cover, how can I expect other people not to? I wonder how many ‘thin’ people out there would want to date somebody like me…
Posted in Director Notes, Film, Food, Personal, Uncategorized
Tagged Barry Roskin Blake, Diet, discrimination, fat, fat acceptance, film industry, finding thin, online dating, thin, weight, weight loss