Tag Archives: losing a friend

This Has Been the Worst Month Of My Life

This has been the worst month of my life.

I lost two family pets which were my near and dear to my heart…practically children to me, regardless how others may feel.

I’ve really gotten to know who my true friends are. As for the phony ones, they are dead to me.

I thought I would emotionally eat during this time but I’ve only had a few bad days. Perhaps I even lost a few pounds, though that was not my intention.

After meeting with so many celebrities in the last few years making this film, maybe it is rubbing off.

I think back to Jillian Michaels, Ruby Gettinger, Dr. Judith Beck and even Bob Harper. Each and every one of them were so human and gave me strength. Even Michelle Bouchard from Dr. Oz’s Health Corps. was a positive influence.

Everyone wants to help but when you are in such emotional turmoil it seems like a lost cause.

I wake up in the morning and my little ones are not there.

Isolation has become my best friend.

It is ironic that all of this should takes place at the end of production. It has been over three years of my life that I have felt like I have forsaken so much.

I just always felt if I could effect just one person’s life other then my own, then it will all be worth it.

On this journey I have learned and experienced so much I can’t wait to share with you all on the screen.

It just never entered my mind how long and life changing this would be.

I now make two promises.

The first, is to finish this film for everyone.

The second, is to help the great foundations representing this very cause that I so believe in.

There has to be good that comes from this film and I will do whatever it takes to make it happen.

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When Food Doesn’t Take The Pain Away Anymore

Almost three years ago I began the quest for “Finding Thin.”

During my quest to find thin, I started to gain even more weight.
Traveling all around the country interviewing Jillian Michaels, Bob
Harper, Tony Horton and more, was extremely stressful and offered very
few healthy eating opportunities throughout the way.

In truth, I used the stress as an excuse that in turn failed my body,
my health, and overall, myself. Emotional eating has interrupted any
successful weight loss for as long as I’ve ever known.

Last week I lost my beloved Pug and it was devastating. This was the
last of my dogs and the loss of two in a month or so time.
Barry Roskin Blake's Pug sleeping on the couch
My world was completely torn apart. Life didn’t feel right, even in my
own bed where I’ve been barely fighting off sleepless nights. Any
mention of my dog broke me into a million little pieces.

In the past, I’d usually turn to food to ease my pain, but this time
it just didn’t feel right.
It was as if someone put some sort of mind trap in me and I could not
reach for the food.
Suddenly there were just a few poor food choices…but I didn’t even
care. I believe that I even lost weight.

Whether or not this is because I feel so empty inside or not, I am not
sure. Though the one thing I know is that over the last couple of
months, I have felt very different when it came to emotions and
eating. I wasn’t even trying for weight loss and yet it seemed to be
coming naturally.

There is still internal pain that I have to get through, but there is
also that feeling of success for being able to deal with something as
devastating as this in such a different way.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is that even in the darkest
hours, there is still hope out there.