I went back to therapy. And by that I mean I went shopping again. I thought I’d give Nordstrom a chance to make me feel better.
This time I didn’t go alone. I brought a friend for support. It was a good idea but ended up going awry.
Then we ended at clothing.
It was regular sized woman and super thin person tackling the sometimes torturous world of fashion.
I am generally comfortable in my skin and love to use my retail therapy to show myself off. But as soon as we entered the dressing room, my confidence waned. Each shirt or pair of pants was modeled to get the other person’s approval. We trust each other’s opinions and usually can usually tell what the other is thinking as soon as we stepped out of our private rooms. Every time I tried on a new piece I smiled at myself at the mirror and then walked out for the friendly review. We stepped out and gave the look, the thumbs up or down, or gushed over how fantastic or hideous the clothes were.
This time though, I found myself suddenly self-conscious. While I would try multiple sizes in search of the perfect fit, every piece my friend tried on fit her perfectly or (even worse) was too big on her. I felt like her only problem was trying to pick what to buy from her stash while I was trying to pick out one or two items from my stash that would fit. I was jealous.
Regardless of our sizes, the retail therapy modeling session remained the same for the both of us; some tops looked great, others didn’t. And even though I was self-conscious, in a way, so was she. She didn’t love how she looked in every single thing she tried on, even if I thought she looked great.
She disproved my theory that the size zero girl didn’t existent. She existed alright, and she had the same problems as a size regular like me. She experienced the same issues, just at a smaller size. Our experience together made me realize that regardless the size, every one has their own body type issues.