Eating Myself into an Early Grave

This weekend has been a tough one for me. Thanksgiving is coming up and everybody is busy planning the holidays.  I have no plan since most of my family is gone. Family holidays don’t exist anymore to me.

I felt a bit alone and started eating a few snack bars here and there. One snack bar led to another and I emptied a full box of it.  I went out to a restaurant and ordered some fried foods I should have avoided too.

I went to my local convenience store and almost fell for a pint of ice cream… Somehow I didn’t.  I am not sure where this strength came from. It looks like I need to get my emotions under control before being able to manage what I eat.

When I am feeling down, I don’t care about eating healthy or not.  I only think about my current situation and cannot see any bright future, so I tell myself “So what if I eat junk now, I am not healthy anyway, who cares?”

Did I decide to eat myself into an early grave this weekend? Maybe… And I hope it is the last time that happens. Burying myself in food won’t help. I need to be looking for better ways to redirect myself.

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4 responses to “Eating Myself into an Early Grave

  1. You might find it possible to turn your feelings and actions around and go out instead of in.

    Try this: Think of all the companionship and love you want right now. Think of how you try to give it to yourself with food binges.

    Then think of who in your community needs companionship and love right now. And who needs food too. These are hard times for a lot of people.

    And then, find a way to give to those people. They are in shelters, institutions, skid row. They are men, women and children with few or no resources, dependent on food banks.

    Give. Find a way to give for Thanksgiving. You may discover that as you give in this way you are giving more to your self than you could possibly have imagined.

    And please, if you do this, please let us know how it goes.

    Joanna Poppink, MFT
    Los Angeles psychotherapist
    author: Healing Your Hungry Heart, to be released 08/11 by Conari Press

  2. I feel for you for the bad day, Barry. Remember some of what we’ve talked about in terms of substituting positive actions for negative ones when your emotions are getting the better of you. Go for a walk, write a blog entry, call a friend to talk. I know it’s difficult to break out of these cycles but you can do it! Send me an email if you want, I don’t mind! Enza and I will see you next week.

  3. I have been right where you were. It’s a hard place to stand. It took me over two years to even understand where my food binges came from in my head. I’m still working on stopping them. I counted calories for over a year. It taught me so much in terms of nutrition and what was healthy for me. I learned a lot.

    I also learned after that year or so, it became a trigger for me to binge. As I got closer to my allotted number, the more I wanted to eat. And eat I did. Anything that wasn’t good for me. It took me months to realize that I was eating because I was so set up in my brain that I was going to fail. I was going to go over that magic number so I made sure that I did. I got mad and depressed, of course that means I’d eat more. Taking away that number and counting calories had to happen or I would never lose the last of this weight. Once I did, I gave myself permission to eat. I gave myself permission to be okay with food. I took away that restrictive nature of dieting and gave myself the go ahead to eat. But only eat what I needed.

    It’s going to take me longer to lose the weight, but once I took that restriction off myself, I didn’t feel compelled to eat garbage food and binge on it. I knew good food, I knew how much to eat of it and I’d do okay. And if there’s an off day, there’s an off day. Start fresh again the next and keep going.

    It’s not an easy road, the one to weight loss. But you have the drive, you have the determination. You’ll find what works for you. And then you’ll be unstoppable.

  4. Barry, don’t worry, everyone gets in these moods from time to time…EVERYONE! (Myself included) Whats important is how quickly you get back on track. Eventually, those binges get fewer and farther between. Looks like your getting there, seeing how you avoided the tempting ice cream. You’re doing well Barry, keep it up.

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