Happier when Thin or Thinner when Happy?

I want to be thin. I would LOVE to be thin by tomorrow but that is just a dream. Fixing twenty-thirty years of bad eating habits is not the easiest thing to do. Going through a dozen of diets through my life always made me feel miserable.

Right now, I am trying to stay within a certain amount of calories and exercise while still enjoying myself. The thing is I am an emotional eater. When things go wrong, I turn to food as comfort. When things go right, I celebrate with food.

Sometimes I feel like I took the wrong path and I can’t back up to turn around, almost as if being fat has paralyzed my life. I recently had my birthday. It feels like I have just woken up from a twenty-year coma. All my friends and family aged but I stayed the same, time flew by.

Ever since my car accident five years ago, I have been spending my time in and out of hospitals and experiencing horrible back and neck pains. I lived on pain meds for years thus turning my life into a thick fog. I realized that I am not happy:

I live at home taking care of my morbidly obese mother and it is not fun at all. I now know I could leave and she would be ok but I got used to the area and I would be sad to leave people I care about. I would really love to move to Colorado though, it’s the one place that would make me happy.

Do I need to be happy first and then lose weight? Or do I need to lose weight to be happy? I don’t even know anymore, I feel lost in my own shadow…


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5 responses to “Happier when Thin or Thinner when Happy?

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Happier when Thin or Thinner when Happy? | Finding Thin: Thoughts From A Fat Man -- Topsy.com

  2. Thank you for taking on this project, and speaking honestly. It’s rare for a man to do so, even though men are just as overweight/obese in this country as women.

    • Thanks so much for the supportive words. I hope other people will have your views and come out to see the film. We are aiming for a wide audience and trying to make a difference.
      It has not been easy but I really love doing it.

  3. A wise man said (I can’t remember who.) “Wherever we go we take ourselves with us.” It’s natural to want to run away when big changes are staring you in the face. This is not the time! You will do this, Barry. Believe in yourself and the changes that you are going to make happen.

  4. hi I was fortunate to discover your blog in baidu
    your Topics is marvelous
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